The family gets back from their vacation next week and, in old good spirit (pardon the pun), I’m trying to get a lot done so there’ll be a noticeable difference around this place. Lisa, the onsite manager, and I are sort of getting close. She and I spend a lot of time together and, I think she respects that I enjoy working hard.
Tomorrow will be three days that I’ve been working cleaning and organizing the work shed cabin. It puts karma yoga to a whole new level, I touched every single item in the entire place – I sorted through 1000s of screws and nails, picking at each one with my bulky work glove. I wouldn’t give up until every single one was in perfect order. Everything was going to be in something and if I could I would recreate an entire hardware store in this old abandon cabin that was converted into a workshed.
I know how hard Joe works around here and this will make his days so much easier.
I’m almost too excited to sleep because tomorrow Lisa is taking me to Walmart or some type of store. Without a car or transportation leaves me with just a coffee shop and mini-market that is a 10 minute walk. It’s not bad but I go there about three times a day. I know almost everyone’s name that works there, every single person around knows each other. It’s truly mindboggling to me, but I’m starting to catch on. When I walk around, people’s dogs know me now (before I used to try to avoid them, there’s even Virgil in one trailer who I thought would be the meanest guy around. Today he was hollering out at me to “keep up the good pace!”
My 44 year old body aches right now. There’s no comfort here whatsoever, at night it is so cold I wake myself up with my own shaking. I force myself to use metal box that is called a shower, it feels like I’m in a refrigerator and I hold my arms tight to not touch the walls. For the first week I didn’t want to shower but now my body appreciates it so I give in, letting it have a moment to feel normal. At times when I’m writing outside by candlelight in the evenings, my mind seperates from my body at the surrealness of the beatuy that beholds my eyes and ears. A creation of such magnitude from a world that most of us never get to appreciate. Gone are the days from sounds of traffic from Santa Monica Boulevard and now, I know exactly how many layers to put on by the sound of the crickets.
The rest of the path hasn’t revealed much of anything yet except more lessons and self-examination.
Compassion is definitely not easy for me but after a few days I concluded that if I were ever lost or confused, which I have been many times, I would have needed to feel compassion. But compassion can be tricky, it is not pity, it is seeing past a difference as having hope to teach or lead.
And the biggest lesson of all, a lesson in rememberance.
Yeah, I’m not sure about that either but there was someone I really haven’t mentioned that was also helping out that reminded me of something I’ve always wanted even more than anything – love. Even this was just another lesson but it still hurts a bit.
Wow, I did what Brian said and sat with the feeling – even though I avoided doing so for fear of the law of attraction. I got to the feeling rather quickly which was probably good, now I know why it hurt so bad.
I was so afraid to leave like this, I’ve been so lonely for so many years already and now this, a completely different place in the dark cold woods alone with Adam – definitely a great conversationalist, although can’t hug me sometimes when it’s so cold or after I worked so hard and need someone to kiss my forehead.
Everything up to Brian picking me up in Middletown, CA was perfect timing and even in the car I felt something that made me think I wouldn’t have to do this scary journey alone. Well, it’s only been 10 days but time moves really slowly here for some reason.